B i b l e
15 Precepts
1. We reject all other religions. This excludes Buddha's teachings, which are law.
2. We accept homosexuals.
3. Jarbus has personal relationships with a lot of people, some of which may be in your immediate family.
4. The law of No: "No u" means "No u."
5. Unionage is a fundamental aspect of Jarbism and is a requirement for all true followers.
6. If Jarbus happens to die, follow the commands of the highest ranking official, who will then be known as the Prophet. This shall last until Jarbus resurrects.
7. In his absence, salvation from Eternal Damnation can only be found through following the Prophet, who receives word from the soul of Jarbus.
8. All uncondemned souls remain in the void until the Day of Choice.
9. Horniness was the original causation of the root of suffering, it is the opposite of Jarbus, yet both require each other as opposing forces.
10. The Fallen Priest manifested suffering because of his fall into the raw, primordial energy of horniness and whose actions were foreseen and caused the creation of Eternal Damnation.
11. Nina is the worst, most contemptuous mortal beast that doth exist. It has no chance at redemption from Eternal Damnation and shall suffer the loathing of Jarbus for all eternity for the abomination that it is.
12. You may not be named "Austin."
13. All whom send wrongful images of strangers to others will be condemned to eternal damnation.
14. Thou shalt not cast a vote for Ron DeSantis.
15. Subscribing to the Melatonin Podcast condemns you to Eternal Damnation. Subscribing to the Melatonin Pod is a requirement for salvation.
Scriptures
Jarbus shall save all faithful followers from Eternal Damnation.
All of those who have been saved by Jarbus must also treat Buddha's sayings and writings as law. Buddha is one of the highest power gods and therefore must be treated as such.
The term "No u" means "No u," we know this because of Jarbus' supreme knowledge of English.
Deserving men and women shall be assigned to each other to be unionized by a Cardinal, the Prophet, or Jarbus himself.
The Origins:
In the beginning, all of reality and matter was released from the chest of Jarbus, piling at his feet in liquid form. In combination with flex seal liquid™, the liquid matter solidified into small, hard chunks, which were used to form the planets and stars. Upon viewing his creation, the other gods arose from Jarbus' enjoyment.
Jarbus' Death:
The Fallen Priest created the circumstances around the first death of Jarbus. At some indefinite point in the future, he shall come back to life.
